I was thinking yesterday about the confusion and overwhelm that I often see happening in the curl community. 

Recently I saw this posted in a FB group “I’m frustrated with my hair. I can get a pretty good day one now, but my curls are flat, lifeless, and almost not there at all by day two. I think it could be my diffuser. I am looking to buy an orchid. Any thoughts on that? Have you used it?”

My heart sank. 

I want to shout at the page, “A diffuser will not change a thing! Day two hair is never like day one.” 

Not in a mad way but in an I’m sorry that you have been sold a lie. Let me help you kind of way. 

She had attached a picture to the post, which confirmed what I was feeling. 

Why do we desperately want to have “perfect,” long-lasting hair? And who defines what perfect is? 

I suppose the same thing drives us to want bigger lips, a smaller waist, and poreless skin. 

Yet, I think it’s more than that. 

I think what we innately long for is a place of belonging—wanting to fit in. 

It’s natural to long for the feeling of community, even for those who lean towards being an introvert or a loner type. I believe we are born with that longing, and I also think we were meant to do life in a community. 

We’ve become such an individualistic society. Trust me; Portland was rated top in the world for this. People move here for this!

We are constantly on this search for our identity while everything from our childhood upbringing to the bombardment of social media is telling us what ours should be.

Curls have become that safe place for so many people.

Oh, look. Somewhere I belong. 

I don’t always think it’s just about the hair. In fact, I never think that. Lol. 

It’s changed the way I see people. It is knowing that the quest for the perfect gel is that longing for belonging. 

Sure, I can hear the folks laughing, “Nope. I just want my frizz to be banished.” 

That may be true. Most likely is. 

AND if you dig deeper (which I always do), you will find the motive.